Teen Girl Squad The Characters The Episodes (T33n G1rl

The feature is a crudely drawn comic illustrated by one of the website's central figures, Strong Bad. It began after a girl named Brittany e-mailed Strong Bad and requested that he draw her friends, Virginia, Joy, Kristen and Jennifer. The voices are done by Strong Bad in a strained falsetto. At the very end of each episode, Strong Bad, out of teen girl character, tells the audience that "It's over!"

1 The Characters

The characters are basic high school clichés: four friends who strive to be popular and gain the acceptance of boys, at any cost.

2 The Episodes (T33n G1rl Squ4dx0rx!!)

There have been seven episodes of Teen Girl Squad that have been posted on Homestar Runner.

2.1 Issue #1 (TEE GEE ESS!!)

The episode starts with titles. The following words ran next to each character's picture.

Cheerleader tells the group that they should get ready to "look so good!" The group answers with "word" all around. She peps up the group one more time with, "Okay, now let's start looking good!" All three respond with "a'ight."

Out of nowhere, So-and-So gets "voiped". Cheerleader informs So-and-So that [Kristen] looks burnt, or dead. As they walk off, What's Her Face says in a light tone, "I miss Kristi...na."

The Ugly One announces, "I have a crush on every boy!" Just as she does that, The Man With The Huge Mouth shoots arrows out of his mouth; they all hit The Ugly One, as the sound effect informs the audience that she has been "arrowed!" The Ugly One responds with, "Ow, my skin!"

At the end of the comic, Cheerleader is standing on top of the site where the three girls are buried. She announces, "I look so good!"

2.2 Issue #2 (Teen Grrrl Squad!!)

Cheerleader: Growth Spurt!
So-and-So: School Spirit!
What's Her Face: Pity Friend!
The Ugly One: Psoriasis!

Cheerleader starts by asking the girls how they're looking. So-and-So and The Ugly One answer with "So good!" What's Her Face answers with "Okay!" but quickly covers up with, "I mean, so good!"

Cheerleader shows the other girls a magazine (called Le Girl) with more hot tips, and suggests that they get started!

The girls run into a dumb jock, who assumes that they must be girls. What's Her Face believes she might have a chance with this guy, until Thomas, the resident alien, bashes her legs with a baseball bat. The jock asks her what happened, while So-and-So answers that What's Her Face got hurt (although the bubble actually says "Thomas hit her with a bat"). The jock suggests that him and So-and-So should date. She responds, "I'm down."

Two vultures grab the remaining girls, to sound effects of "swoop!" and "grasped!"

So-and-So informs the audience that she is "totally crushing," when all of a sudden The Man With The Huge Mouth drives a van into the dumb jock, as the word "children!" is being yelled. So-and-So is shocked, and even more so when the vultures bring the two remaining girls back to earth. "Where were you guys?" she asked. The girls responded with, "We got jealous." So-and-So announces that they should go get yogurt! What's Her Face returns with bloody knees. While eating yogurt outside TCYBCBY, The Ugly One announces that she got jimmies.

2.3 Issue #3 (TGS Numba 3)

Cheerleader: Boy Crazy!
So-and-So: Math Crazy!
What's Her Face: Whatev!
The Ugly One: Actually Crazy

Cheerleader informs the group that if they want to look so good, then they have to go get some new summer fashions! So-and-So responds, "I am so there." Cheerleader tells the group that everyone can go to the mall with her except for What's Her Face, who can go to the thrift store, or junkyard.

Before they go, So-and-So wants to have some Pan-Asian cuisine! The Ugly One requests three spring rolls, but the waiter is The Man With The Huge Mouth and poisoned spring rolls fly out of his mouth, striking her down as Strong Bad yells "MSG'd!" The Ugly One complains, "Ow! My stomach lining!" Cheerleader says that they'll worry about that one later.

Cut to the thrift store. What's Her Face remarks that these clothes smell like grandmas.

So and So tries on a dress that looks like a rug, and asks the girls if they think the outfit is "so good" or "no good." The girls respond enthusiastically, "So good!" The Ugly One informs everyone that her stomach feels better. Cheerleader then tries on an elephant mask, telling the girls that she's going for a whole new style. The girls reject it with a resounding "No good!" Cheerleader thinks it's hella tight, and that the other girls need boyfriends. They sadly agree.

What's Her Face remarks that she is walking home from the thrift store as she is doing so. A possum stops her in her tracks, complete with "Possssssums!" sound effect.

Cheerleader has bought the elephant mask, and announces that her card is totally maxorzed! The girls chime in with, "True that." What's Her Face announces to the group that she met a possum.

Now it's time to attract some cute boys! As the girls "pose," What's Her Face is being bitten by her possum; she remarks "My blood hurts."

Strong Bad sings the end theme song for this episode. It is, in its entirety:

Teen Girl Squad: The teenage girls between the ages of thirteen and nineteen.

2.4 Issue #4 (TGS Tissue 4)

Cheerleader: Cool Parents!
So-and-So: Student Council!
What's Her Face: Shoplifting?
The Ugly One: Prepaid Lunch!

Cheerleader is bummed that school is happening again this year. Her comrades respond with, "So good!" She's a bit disgusted, and responds with, "Y'all are so wack." The Ugly One asks, "Wiggidy-wack?" Cheerleader clarifies with, "Nope, just regular type."

So-and-So disagrees. She sat next to Brett Bretterson in math and he asked to study with her at lunch! She's in love! Cheerleader informs her that she made up Brett Bretterson in first grade; he's not real.

So-and-So strikes up a conversation with the invisible Brett. She thanks him for his compliment and tells him that he's filled out nicely, too. What's Her Face is weirded out!

So-and-So leaves with imaginary Brett, ostensibly to go to lunch. On the way, she falls in the Fighting Growlbacks Bottomless Spirit Pit. As she falls, she yells, "Go Growlbacks!" What's Her Face remarks that when you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.

Cheerleader distracts everyone by remarking that the quarterback is by his locker, and she is going to see if he has any plans for dating her. She then asks the other girls if her "unda-wears" are showing. The Ugly One responds, "Yes, ma'am."

"Grood," Cheerleader responds. "I mean, good. And great. Great and good." She runs off to talk to the quarterback. The Ugly One laughs, "Tee hee." What's Her Face says, "We're cool." A sack of potatoes and an anvil flatten them, respectively, as sound effects and writing on said anvil and sack of potatoes indicate that "No, [they're] not!"

Cheerleader asks the quarterback, "Hows about you and me?" The dumb quarterback responds with, "Hows about you get some brains?" The Man With The Huge Mouth attacks Cheerleader with a massive brain. She has been "Cerebellum'd!"

Meanwhile, at the spirit pit, So-and-So yells for some Lunchables, or maybe a juice box. She then coos, "I love you too, Brett."

2.5 Issue #5 (Spring Type Break!!)

Cheerleader: Two-Piece!
So-and-So: One-Piece!
What's Her Face: Same Clothes
The Ugly One: Three-Piece?!!

The episode begins with What's Her Face at her mailbox, telling the audience that she got a postcard. She flips it over, and it says:

Dear The One With Baggy Pants,

We're on Spring Break! We tried to call you, but we forgot. We are having WAY too much fun, and we'll try to remember to bring you a shell or some sand.

Signed, The Other Girls.

(What's Her Face received the postcard from A Beach and her address is 412 S. Figgis, Mundelow 80808.)

She remarks that the other side has birds on it. Her mailbox promptly eats the card.

The other three girls are on vacation! So-and-So says it's like the fun never ends! Cheerleader suggests that they put their stuff down by "them olda boys."

Cut to a spiky-haired college guy and a somewhat long-haired college guy. Their cooler is filled with "college drinks". The spiky-haired guy says he misses video games. The long-haired guy misses his mom.

So-and-So hopes they play sports! The Ugly One is too nervous; she sticks her head in the sand. A bird perches onto her midriff. She comments that her lungs are filling up with sand and cigarette butts.

Cheerleader asks the boys if their spot on the beach is taken. She says they're in college, while at the same time, So-and-So says they're in eighth grade! The boys laugh, and an angry Cheerleader punts So-and-So away. So-and-So complains, "Ow, my hopes of reaching first base!"

Cheerleader explains away So-and-So as her sister who's at least five years younger than her; she's never kissed a boy. The spiky-haired college guy says that the two look the same age. Angry, Cheerleader yells, "I'm at least five years older and in college!" Cheerleader has her torso ripped from the rest of her body when The Man With The Huge Mouth runs into her with his boat, the S.S. Inevitable. Strong Bad promptly announces the "SAILING MISHAP!" The long-haired college guy says that he's going to miss her. The spiky-haired college guy still will miss video games.

The Ugly One hopes nobody cool or famous is staring at her. Henry Rollins, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln are staring. George Washington tells the other two to "look at that girl." So-and-So tells the group that The Ugly One is her friend, but not her best. She then asks the wrestler and the presidents to tandem parasail with her! The three respond with "w00t" all around.

It's Almost Over!

What's Her Face, at the skate park, asks Thomas to do an indy nosebone. As he does so, So-and-So and the celebrities glide by on a parasail; she yells, "Soooooo good!" What's Her Face thinks her friend and some presidents just flew by. Thomas does a Late 360 Shove It To Boneless...'d! She says, "Sweet moves, Thomas."

Now it's over!

2.6 Decemberween Special (DecemberTeen Girl Squad)

Cheerleader: Wants a pony!
So-and-So: Wants a savings bond!
What's Her Face: Wants a new stepdad!
The Ugly One: Wants to BE cheerleader!

Cheerleader wants her 'gallies' to listen up so that they can draw names for the 'secret Decemberween gift exchange'. The girls think that this is 'Funtime!' Cheerleader thinks they need to chill.

Cheerleader (wearing a shirt that says "Purty") tells them she's put their names into a lion's mouth, and says that What's Her Face can choose first. What's Her Face is hesitant, and so Cheerleader says she won't get any.

The Ugly One yells, "I want presents! I WANT PRESENTS!", and leaps into the lion's mouth with a cannonball, and is "CHOMPED". She is "TWO'D" by the judges (two pit-stained Men With The Huge Mouths, and a random, happy-faced stick figure).

So-and-So is up next, so she decides what to do by using her cool math skills: "Lion's mouth + Decemberween present / Peer pressure x Height = Triple Salchow!" She is "SHOMPED", and calls out, "C'mon in the water's great!"

Cheerleader announces that the "Last one in is a rotten friend," and leaps into the lion's mouth with a "DOUBLE DOUBLE WHIPLESS MOCCHACHINO HALFCAF," and receives "3 NOSES?" from the judges. What's Her Face tells the lion that she is vegan.

A Hawaiian singer arrives, and announces in song the 'Wave o' Babies', which slides in from the right of the screen. The next scene moves inside the lion.

The girls think that the lion's innards are looking "So good!". So-and-So gives Cheerleader a present - a gift certificate for fashion, which is perfect. The Ugly One gives Cheerleader a half digested gazelle carcass, so the three girls can end the comic, with "Gazelle Carcass!"

It's Over!

2.7 Teeny Tiny Girl Squad! - (Diaper School Grads!)

(This issue of TGS features the girls when they were younger, during their pre-K years. To reflect this, Strong Bad drew this comic on the tan-colored kindergarten style paper, instead of the usual notebook filler paper; and featured tinkly kiddie-piano music instead of the normal flowery type.)

Cheerleader: Fatty cakes!
So-and-So: Polite and boring!
What's Her Face: Lice and more!
The Ugly One: Boy or girl?
and Tompkins

This issue starts with So-and-so and The Ugly One sitting across from each other, playing pattycake. Their song goes as such:

"Ooncha, ooncha, one, two, three-cha; Leave me alone, or I'll tell teacha.
Brush your teeth, comb your hair; I saw Tompkins in his unda...
Where you going? What're you doing? How do you be so short?"

Then they start to count up from 'one inch' back and forth until they pass 'four inch'; The Ugly One states that's as high as she can count. What's Her Face runs up to them, happily saying that she can count to G! Unfazed, Cheerleader approaches and says that she can count all the way to purple, backwards. "Here comes Tompkins," says What's Her Face, pointing off to the right.

Tompkins, being the pre-K boy he is, shows up and gives the 'undapants' first choice of who wants to be "hogtied, and pushed down into some snakewater." "Tompkins, how do you be so short?" counters The Ugly One. Tompkins comes back with "Heck, I'm taller than you." The girls yell out to their teacher, "TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!!" causing Tompkins to run off crying.

As he runs off, a snake-like clawed arm wearing a ring and flower-hat attacks, with the sound effect "AGGH--!" It stops and vanishes, and then two meteors come falling down, with the sound effect "GRAGH--!" They stop and vanish as well. Unable to decide how to kill off Tompkins, Strong Bad cuts to a championship pedestal with Tompkins' head winning third place, his legs winning first, and the caption below it states "Torso takes silver." Strong Bad says "Er, he died somehow..."

What's Her Face noted that Tompkins crinkled when he walked. "Poor guy never made it out of training pants," remarked So-and-So. Cheerleader decides now's the time to show off her "very own chocolate bar!!" - which happens to be covered in dirt, hair, an ant and a fly. "Looks like you dropped it in the sand," says So-and-so. "No, I just dipped it in salt!" replied Cheerleader. What's Her Face states, "That's grosser than gross."

Angrily, Cheerleader says "Yeah? Well my house has a hundred bafrooms!!" "You mean your parent's house?" says So-and-so. "You mean 2 bafrooms?" says The Ugly One. Going into a tantrum, Cheerleader yells out, "NO! IT'S MINE! IT'S A HUNDRED! SHUT IT OFF!!" A fat guy in a bathing suit then slides down the kiddie slide behind Cheerleader, and squished right on top of her. "She led a full life," remarked So-and-So. "She led a full stomach!" quips What's Her Face.

A school bell named ' Bill Bellamy' rings out with a loud BRRRiiiNNNG!!. "NAPTIME!" squeal the remaining kids. A bird-like creature appears in the background. Next panel shows the bird creature with What's Her Face in her jaws, So-and-so clutched in her left talons, and The Ugly One in her right claw. The first two are sound asleep. "Thanks Mrs. Commander..son" replies The Ugly One. Mrs. Commanderson replies with a resounding "EERRAAAK!!," which most likely causes What's Her Face to fall down to certain doom...

The music and paper background suddenly change back to normal, with the four girls standing around looking at a book named "Old Photos." (Cheerleader is wearing a shirt with the label "Coolier Than Thou.") All of them remark out loud: "Look at how much we've grown!" The scene pans out to show they're falling through the air. It then pans out again to show they're falling into the open mouth of - who else? - The Man With The Huge Mouth...

It's Over!

3 Easter Eggs

Screenshot of one of the hidden Easter Eggs, in which Strong Bad asks Cheerleader to go on a date to Checkers or Rally's or Sonic Burger...whatever she has down where she lives.

(All of the TGS Easter Eggs so far show up at the "It's Over" screen at the end of the comics.)

Issue #1: Clicking on What's Her Face's grave shows a 'comic-version' of Strong Bad trying to hit on Cheerleader and asking her out on a date.

Issue #2: No known Easter Eggs yet...

Issue #3: No known Easter Eggs yet...

Issue #4: Click on the 'O' to show what happened to What's Her Face and The Ugly One after their last scene. And click on the '!' to show that So-and-so is still down in the Spirit Pit.

Issue #5: Click on the 'O' in Now to show a 'techno-remixed' version of the college guys' beach scene.

Issue #6: Click on the 'O' to see Cheerleader and What's Her Face play Marco Polo together.

Issue #7: Click on the 'O' to see Mrs. Commanderson introduce the new student Thomas, and see how he and What's Her Face became friends. And click on the '!' to see just who exactly Mrs. Commanderson is REALLY working for...

Strong Bad e-mail #104 (Theme Park): Strong Bad starts to read the e-mail as Cheerleader, but quickly clears his throat. When he says the word buisness click on it to bring up a 'cut' TGS panel. The scene shows an angry Cheerleader telling off a sad The Ugly One, who says: "The Ugly One, why you always gotta be all up in my bweez-NASS?"

Strong Bad e-mail #118 (Virus): When the entire site goes haywire, the King of Town is transported into TGS issue #3.14159265 and the rest where The Ugly One states, "I can do it! I can do it nine times!" Then her arm grows and she slaps the King of Town.

4 External Links

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